Confusion in my head.....

I feel like a robot sometimes. Day in and day out I just do the same things. I work, sleep, socialize and then I do it all again......until I die!

I think I'm searching for renewal in my life right now. Perhaps I'm looking in the wrong places or thinking too hard. Perhaps I'm wanting the wrong things and pursuing them. I find myself complaining.

I'm a little confused about the purpose of my life and where I am going, and questioning how I spend my time and resources.

I find myself impatient. I find myself lacking joy. I find myself lacking thanksgiving and contentment. I find myself lacking vision and purpose.

I find myself asking why I do what I do in life. I find myself asking, "what do I want?"

Again....there is always a spiritual answer to these questions. Again I find myself on my knees and looking to Him for clarity, wisdom, direction and peace.

Chasing cars....

This song is constantly being played on the radio; I keep listening to it!

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here If
I just lay here

Would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Under Him.....

The Lord's been teaching and reminding me of many things. I'm just so happy to be under His care, and to do things His way. His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts. With that in mind, it is completely logical to trust Him in everything. Sometimes we don't realize that God sees our pain, unhappiness, faithfulness and obedience. He is fully aware!

One specific thing I am learning is to properly handle being single. This one single issue is huge for me. All my friends are dating and some are even married, and as a result, there is a natural temptation to date. Even my ex-g/f is with someone....I am happy for her.

But God just very gently said to me "wait and be patient."

When I reflected upon this, I realize that He's right! God is so wise. He know's exactly what is good for me, and when it is the right time date. I don't think I am ready for a relationship, because I still need to grow so much and this can only happen while in singleness. I think I'm also still emotional about my past relationship, and He is still healing me from that.

So my prayer is that God will purify, change, grow, and heal me daily.

I've been praying for you!

I thought that I would write a little note to my greatest blog fan in the world, Ryan! hahaha!

It's amazing how God has blessed our friendship. I remember just meeting you in Kyrios, then we just starting chilling more and more, and all these years God has sustained and grown our friendship to a much more deeper and meaningful one.

I want to just let you know that I pray for you a lot, and you are very much in my thoughts. I am always here for you bud!!

At this point in your life, you are at a critical stage. It's hard bud!

I want you to take your time and think clearly about this and what you want for your future. No matter what decision you make, I will support you 100%.

I was reading this passage today, I really like it! Ryan, will you let Him be your shepherd?

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

-Joshy-

Two Songs that move me!

Made To Worship
Chris Tomlin, Ed Cash, Stephan Sharp

Before the day, before the light
before the world revolved around the sun
God on High, stepped down into time
and wrote the story of His Love for everyone

He has filled our hearts with wonder
so that we always remember

you and I are made to worship
you and I are called to love
you and I are forgiven and free
when you and I embrace surrender
when you and I choose to believe
then you and I will see
who we were meant to be

all we are and all we have
is all a gift from God that we receive
brought to life, we open up our eyes
to see the majesty and glory of the King

even the rocks cry out
even the heavens shout
at the sound of His Holy Name
so let every voice sing out
and let every knee bow down
He is worthy of all our praise


From The Inside Out
Joel Houston

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I’m caught in Your grace

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

You are God and I am not!

I'm really bad! I haven't updated my blog for a while, it's just that I've been lazy! Sorry to all of my faithful fans (Ryan).

Here's what's going on in my life..

I was praying about something that I've always wanted, and God gave it to me. I had the option of walking through the door He opened. But I don't think I'm going to walk through it. I think God granted my request to show me what's really occupying my heart. Upon reflection, I felt like He was showing me that I'm so selfish, and everything was about me me me!...Yes...you can go ahead and fullfill your dreams, but what about God's dreams? I just felt like there was much here in Toronto that needed my attention and care, and I needed to continue focusing my life and energy on the things that were important to God. If it's important to Him, it's important to me!

Ryan I hope you are not disappointed in me, but I trust that you support me 100% no matter what happens.

Recently He's been teaching me a very important lesson. The Lord has given me a "thorn" in my flesh that just doesn't seem to go away. It always makes me weak, and makes me trust Him.
So many times I have prayed that He would take it away, and he has taken it away to certain extent but it is still very much in my life.

I realized why it was there. So many times I am so proud and think I'm better than people and as a result God quickly humbles me once again.

Another reason is that God wants to show me how much I need Him!

But there is one more reason why He has given me this "thorn." When I reflect on this, I think it is the most important lesson to learn. He's using this trial to keep my heart tender towards Him, so that I can listen to Him and be sensitive to His guidance. All this tenderness leads to doing His will and help others. So at the end of the day, it's really about giving God glory and about reaching out to others or encouraging others through word or deed and through my life example.

So it's not about me. It's so much more than me! It's so much about helping others! It's soo much about You and what You want to accomplish through me.

As I began to reflect on this truth and submitted myself to Him, I saw that He began to use me. That's the place where we should always be, "He is God, and we are not."

Philippians 1:20...

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

.....Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.