A greater desire....

Have you ever wanted something so bad?? and for some reason, you don't get it? And efforts are futile? That's how I feel about God and something that I've been praying about for a while and asking the Lord for. As I prayed, and asked, I thought that God was answering the prayer. As I was having a conversation with someone the other day, God spoke through this person to tell me that it was either "no" or the wrong time.

So throughout the day, I have been struggling with conflicting feelings, and questions...here's what I came up with.....

I've been on this plan to read the bible for one year. This means that I have a schedule to follow, where I read a few chapters a day from both the old testament and new testament. It's good and interesting to see the story of God and man as you read through the story of creation, to man's sin, to the covenant between Abraham and God, and on and on. It's going to be an interesting read, but I am confident that I will learn a lot. Perhaps I will learn more of the why questions, and the purpose of things with more clarity.

Anyways...going on with what I came up with....As I was reading the bible, I came across the passage that talks about "seeking first the kingdom of God." And I thought to myself, wow that's the answer. There's absolutely no way that I can just change that initial desire..however, I thought to myself, the best way to handle this, is to seek and hold on to a greater desire.

So for now, even though I struggle with patience and want, while God tells me to wait...I can try and handle it in a more Godly manner.