The Doctor's orders.....

Wowsers!...

Every time I think about her, I shiver within me. My heart shivers. It happens a lot!

Doctors orders to get through this...

1) stay active
2) meet people
3) focus on God
4) write music/songs

Enough for me...

At work right now...feeling tired. But looking to God for grace and answers. The songs come to me.."You are my supply, my breathe of life, still more awesome than I know"...."All of You is more than enough for, all of me for every breathe and every need you satisfy me, with Your love, and all I have in You is more than enough"

You are more than enough for me, to get through this trial. Reading exodus and the trial of the israelites. They were held in bondage for so long! But God delivered them, in His time, and in His own way. Every day I have been relying on Him for strength and power.

Today God told me to forgive Melissa for the way she has hurt me. It's so easy to be angry at her, and be bitter. She broke my heart. God help me to forgive her. I can only do it with You! I choose to forgive her.

Take all of me God, all of me now, my heart, and everything, worries, pain, and tears. Your peace is my fortress, Jesus, You are Enough for me today.

I wait upon You ...eyes focused on You...on bended knee

Today is just another ordinary day at work. Except for one thing...

Wow, I really struggled today in my heart. I feel so divided. Haha..it seems like the trend for me..getting dumped!... oh well.. Can I force anyone to love me? no

I think about her everyday, it varies intensity as the day goes by. i remembered how much I miss her in my life, and how much I really do love and care for her.

i've been waiting upon God to know what to do next about her...should I still hope or should i just give up? I dunno...but I am trying to re-build my friendship with her..but it's been hard.. I keep getting a cold shoulder from her. I ask her for coffee and lunch several times, yet she always seems to say "no". I emailed her not long ago to see if she was free, but I didn't get a response back...Should I stop asking/trying?

So I'm looking to the Father of lights, for direction, wisdom, and the next step for me. I'm really depending on Him every minute of the day because i sooo want to be with her, but she doesn't, so I depend on Him to help me get through the sadness and pain. I'm struggling to eat lunch.. I guess when I get sad and depressed, I don't like to eat very much.

And yet I always think, I would give anything to be with her again. Yet I look at her, and she wants to move on, and she is giving me the cold shoulder, which means that she wants to get away from me.

Well.... "My hope is in You...Jesus Christ, Take my life, take all of me..."

I look to you again and again and again....

I look to you again, and again , and again. Every minute of the day, every hour, every second. I give her back to you, how I feel, and the pain. I can't change the way I feel about her. But I feel like she is pushing me away. I thought she wanted to be the best of friends. I wish that she understood the depth and length, and height of how I truly see her. But a friend reminded me: "love is not mathematics"...true true...Don't give up on her. God didn't give up on me.

A song that someone wrote today that was sent to me, to critique...

"A song of sacrifice" by - Gene Chuah

I bring me as I am Into your holy house
Knowing that you're glad That your child is here
I put my thoughts aside My burdens at your feet
All my strength my soul Are my offering

CHORUS:
Here's my sacrifice A song of praise to You
I know you're listening when I worship You with all my heart

BRIDGE:
I was made to Sing you praise
and Give back all I am

-Joshy-