I wait upon You ...eyes focused on You...on bended knee

Today is just another ordinary day at work. Except for one thing...

Wow, I really struggled today in my heart. I feel so divided. Haha..it seems like the trend for me..getting dumped!... oh well.. Can I force anyone to love me? no

I think about her everyday, it varies intensity as the day goes by. i remembered how much I miss her in my life, and how much I really do love and care for her.

i've been waiting upon God to know what to do next about her...should I still hope or should i just give up? I dunno...but I am trying to re-build my friendship with her..but it's been hard.. I keep getting a cold shoulder from her. I ask her for coffee and lunch several times, yet she always seems to say "no". I emailed her not long ago to see if she was free, but I didn't get a response back...Should I stop asking/trying?

So I'm looking to the Father of lights, for direction, wisdom, and the next step for me. I'm really depending on Him every minute of the day because i sooo want to be with her, but she doesn't, so I depend on Him to help me get through the sadness and pain. I'm struggling to eat lunch.. I guess when I get sad and depressed, I don't like to eat very much.

And yet I always think, I would give anything to be with her again. Yet I look at her, and she wants to move on, and she is giving me the cold shoulder, which means that she wants to get away from me.

Well.... "My hope is in You...Jesus Christ, Take my life, take all of me..."