What do I do...Part 2

You counsel me to do something that I must obey. During worship practice while I was singing to the Lord, I felt a direction that i must take. First of all, I have made a conclusion:

1. I cannot force her to be with me.

In light of that truth, I have been praying, what should I do next. The Lord revealed something to me. A while ago, I was reading about this woman teacher who goes around teaching wherever she is invited, she is the daughter of Billy Graham. She wrote about her husband. She said that her husband's treasure was her. He gladly gave her back to God for His service, and she has become a beautiful, sweet, fragrance for others benefit, for the glory of God.

That reminded me of the girl I love so much. Not that she is a possession, but in my heart, she is very dear and precious to me. You counsel me to give her back to you in my heart. So Lord, right now, I surrender her back to you God, into your care. I don't want to hold her back. I don't know if she will ever come back. But I give her back to you. Thank you for bringing her into my life.

Lord I need you...

Still struggling with my love for her. I can't explain the depth of my love for her. But it's so deep. Woke up at 5am, and thought about it. I then began to cry out to God to help me through this. I have no idea what she is doing, or the status of her heart towards me.

On tuesday night she called me, I was surprised. It meant the whole world when she did that. It meant sooo much to me. A smile on her face, means the whole world to me.

But love cannot be forced can it? No, God tells me no!, it's all free will. I can't make her be with me can I? Absolutely not! There are so many things I want to say to her, but would it make a difference? does she even want to hear?

Lord I look to you daily, even now as I write this. For grace, and strength. I come to you with a broken heart, help me, teach me guide me. What do I do now? I keep asking you God? What would you like me to do?

But I still love her. She's so special to me and I'm there for her as much as I can.

Are you going to propose to me?

Are you going to propose to me? she asks me. I said yes, next year. I meant it when I said that to her. She is the "one" for me. She really is. Her and me for life. I want us to be together forever.

But I can't force her to feel the same way. Nope

What do I do now?

I'm quite depressed now, and feeling very low. Well it's because of a girl I love so dearly. I'm depressed because I love her so much!, so much that it's indescribable to tell. I'm hurt because I can't be with her, I know that we can make it work! But....
Love cannot be forced, I cannot force her to be with me can I? Oh I would do anything to have her in my arms again.

I don't know what to do anymore. My heart is completely broken. I never thought that this would happen. It was a hard day at work, hard to focus, hard to eat. Praying so much for strength, guidance and grace. I got home today from work, and just layed on the floor listening to Hillsong United, and just holding on to Him, and his words through song. It felt better.

I'm trying to deal with depression right now, I've found a few words from a trusted pastor.

1. Let God confront you! - Just like Elijah was confronted by God when he was depressed, God approached him with grace, and ministered to him.

2. Let God reveal Himself to you - God revealed himself to Elijah

3. Let God provide for you - God ministered to Elijah by providing for him with healing and rest. I will receive his provision from His word, or from a friend, a piece of wisdom that He brings to mind, a new direction, a loving embrace.

4. Immediately do what God says : Specific instructions were given to Elijah to do.

5. Get involved with people again.


It's hard. I'm seeking God right now, with all of my heart, looking to Him for grace, direction, healing, wisdom, and a loving embrace. Help me God! My prayer is : God lead me, God help me, God guide, strengthen , and grant me wisdom. God heal and deliver me.

-My love for you runs sooo deep, and soo wide. You ask me to move on, how could I when I love you so dearly. You ask me why I love you? I would tell you because I adore you. I love you so much. I wish you really knew how much. -