You died for me?

I had an interested long weekend..

On Friday, I went to a morning service at Unionville Alliance Church. It was very refreshing, and renewing, and God brought healing to me. I was touched by the heart and love of your servants who deligently and joyfully serve you on Sunday mornings to minister to your people. On Friday night, I went to a youth rally with the youth group. It was great! The message was about distortion, and how we are bombarded with messages each day. We are even hurt by life circumstances, and therefore we are so distorted. The whole night, this was the message. I'm happy to see young people living for Him, and helping their own peers, I'm happy to know that there are new commitments to you, I'm happy to know that there were young ones who are coming back to the path, and are willing to be filled with all of you! so that they can fight distortion. We can make unwise choices, sometimes we don't know what is the right thing to do, or think, because we are so distorted. That night was God renewing me, and bring healing to me, and I asked God to renew me, and change my heart, and my attitudes. I pray that the youth will burn for passion for you God. I'm happy to get a chance to walk with the youth and be there for them and help them. To be a model for them of a Godly person. To encourage them to walk with You and to live for You, and to be passionate about You.

I don't think that I really appreciate God's sacrifice for me. I think that I come every easter, trying to force myself to appreciate God's sacrifice for me. So I've been praying that I would appreciate His sacrifice more and that I can be broken over my own sins.

Right now I'm dealing with two things: fear and pain.
Fear: I guess I'm just afraid of getting hurt. I'm already hurt right now. Seeing her really hurts me. I feel afraid every time I get the chance to see her.
Pain: I still am wounded. I feel it every day. God has still not healed my wounds. When will He?
Yeah so every time I see her, or anticipate seeing her, I'm afraid and weak. So I have to just keep praying, and reading scripture, keep singing to Him, keep telling Him how much a need and rely on Him, keep asking Him to strengthen me and remove my fears, and keep asking Him to heal me. I have to keep asking Him to give me strength to serve Him, and love Him and serve and love His people.

I was scared on Sunday when I was at church, but I kept praying to You as well. Even though I shake within me, I still pray, I still sing, I still cry out to you.